{"id":4790,"date":"2022-10-21T12:27:16","date_gmt":"2022-10-21T16:27:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/magazine.alumni.ncsu.edu\/?p=2312"},"modified":"2024-02-01T16:23:43","modified_gmt":"2024-02-01T21:23:43","slug":"missing-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/magazine.ncsu.edu\/2022\/missing-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Missing Out"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The Class of 2020 didn\u2019t get a chance to say goodbye. There were no farewell hugs. No final strolls across the Court of North Carolina or the Brickyard. And, of course, no chance to hear the applause as they walked across the stage in their caps and gowns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They lost their last semester of college.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The nearly 6,000 members of the Class of 2020 were denied an important rite of passage, the sudden shift from being a student to being an adult. It was taken away with no warning in March, when the rapidly spreading coronavirus pandemic forced university classes to be shifted online while students were away on spring break. The move, by NC State and universities around the globe, effectively shut down the campus before graduating seniors could take stock of their past four years at NC State.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI feel like you need those last few weeks,\u201d said Melanie Hardee \u201920, a biological sciences major from Benson, N.C. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of crucial for your closure, stepping into the next part of life. It really does bother me. I wish I could just lay in the grass at the Court of [North] Carolina. I wish I could just say goodbye to the staff at Biological Sciences, eat at the Atrium one last time. I wish I could steal a brick. I never did that. I wanted to go to a baseball game.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Million Little Things<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Mindy Sopher has worked at NC State in various capacities for more than two decades, and is now a lecturer in the Department of Communication. She\u2019s also something of a graduation groupie, someone who volunteers to serve on commencement committees and who gets \u201call goose-bumpy\u201d talking about the joy she gets from the occasion. \u201cIt\u2019s important to me because it\u2019s important to them,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s a significant marker of maturity and achievement.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, Sopher pointed out, it\u2019s not just about missing out on graduation for the Class of 2020. \u201cIt\u2019s that last meal at The Players\u2019 Retreat together,\u201d she said. \u201cOr the last beer at Mitch\u2019s. It\u2019s the last happy hour at the place next to Bruegger\u2019s. It\u2019s a lot of scheduling time with people, that last trip to the Wolf Ears. They have to take a picture in carrel number 17 on the fifth floor of the library. They go talk to the lunch lady or to a professor or a lab assistant. One guy told me he went around and talked to the custodian in his dorm. They both spoke Spanish, and she gave him hope every morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a million little things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are also some big things, like getting started on a career. Russell Gorga, an Alumni Distinguished Undergraduate Professor and director of undergraduate programs in the Wilson College of Textiles, teaches an intensive design class that gives seniors a chance to work on \u201creal world\u201d projects for companies such as Patagonia and Adidas. So he has seen the despair and confusion that has hit this group of graduates, some of whom have had job offers rescinded because of the pandemic. Many are finding it difficult to get job interviews, much less actual jobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAt first, I was kind of devastated, really upset. It didn\u2019t seem fair. Then I realized, there\u2019s no one to blame for it. Things happen.\u201d
\u2013Melanie Hardee \u201920 biological sciences major, Benson, N.C.<\/p><\/div><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe real slap in the face is that a lot of really great students are basically in limbo right now,\u201d Gorga said. \u201cThey have this fear of, \u2018What am I going to do now? How am I going to start my life and career?\u2019\u2009\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rupert Nacoste, an Alumni Distinguished Undergraduate Professor of psychology, said that loss could have a lasting impact.  \u201cAs social beings, we need social events to tell us where we are in life,\u201d he says. \u201cWithout those social events, it\u2019s not just a disappointment. It\u2019s an ambiguity about life. This is, for them, a defining moment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Last of Everything<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many seniors said they hated to miss graduation, which the university intends to reschedule, while others admitted they had planned to go only to please their parents. Most were looking forward to the smaller, more personal, departmental graduation ceremonies. It was there that they could thank their professors and take pictures with the friends they had worked with in study groups. And everyone had their own lists of what they were missing: Hanging out on Tucker Beach. Walking through the Free Expression Tunnel. Eating the Boom Boom chicken wraps at Case Dining Hall. Ambling through the garden by Withers Hall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think I\u2019m just going to miss the last of everything,\u201d says Isabelle Rocco \u201920, a communications major from Charlotte, N.C.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like many seniors, Jack Kiker \u201920, a mechanical engineering major from Monroe, N.C., spent his last weeks of college taking online classes at his family\u2019s home. He missed the convenience of Carmichael Gym and the proximity to campus of fast-food spots like Zaxby\u2019s and Cook Out. \u201cA tray with a burger, a quesadilla and fries\u2009\u2014\u2009and a caramel cheesecake shake,\u201d he said. \u201cThat was my favorite.\u201d He even felt wistful about his late-night study session before tests. \u201cIt\u2019s a little sad,\u201d he said, \u201cthat I won\u2019t be in Hunt [Library] doing anything again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Rachel Bland \u201920, an elementary education major from rural Sampson County, N.C., had strong connections with the campus groups she was involved with. Bland was spending her last semester as a student teacher at West Clayton Elementary School. She\u2019s also a Goodnight Scholar, and looked forward to Wednesday nights in the Goodnight lounge in Peele Hall. Or, as they call it, M&M Wednesday. That\u2019s when the staff would set out two flavors of M&Ms each week for the students to enjoy while they studied. \u201cI haven\u2019t had M&Ms from the Goodnight lounge since March 4,\u201d Bland said. \u201cI love the peanut butter ones. We had a suggestion to have a virtual lounge, but it\u2019s not the same.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI really enjoy just walking around campus and seeing people that I know, just those little interactions that I might have taken for granted. The opportunity to hug a friend or talk to someone in person, those things that you never thought would be taken away.\u201d
\u2013Anna Scott Wingfield \u201920 biology major, Nashville, N.C.<\/p><\/div><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The move to online classes created unique challenges for some seniors. Heading into spring break, Kori Hyer \u201920 was putting the finishing touches on her senior project as a fashion and textile design major\u2009\u2014\u2009a collection of apparel that she had designed. Her work would be unveiled at a fashion show in the Talley Student Union at the end of the semester, a show that Hyer had gone to the three previous years as a volunteer worker or a guest. But the pandemic meant there would be no show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYour entire four years is built up to this fashion show at the end,\u201d said Hyer, who is from Fayetteville, N.C. \u201cYou picture yourself being there, so it\u2019s a big disappointment that I won\u2019t have that experience. But I\u2019m trying not to dwell on it. I\u2019m trying to let myself still be excited about things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Graduates<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\n
<\/span><\/span>

6,192<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Undergraduate degrees awarded (the most ever)<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

5,825<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Graduating seniors (some got more than one degree)<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

846<\/h2><\/a>
\n

First-generation graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

4,676<\/h2><\/a>
\n

In-state graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

448<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Out-of-state graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

701<\/h2><\/a>
\n

International graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

74<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Oldest graduate<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

19<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Youngest graduate<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

619<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Legacy graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

2,973<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Male graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/span>

2,852<\/h2><\/a>
\n

Female graduates<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Pushed Off a Cliff<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The void felt greater, perhaps, because graduating seniors had little warning it was coming. They went into spring break aware of the coronavirus, but were focused on getting to a sunny beach in Florida or taking an alternative service break with other students to help the homeless in places like San Francisco, Calif., or work on projects in countries around the world. Some planned to spend the break applying for jobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

They received an email while they were away telling them that spring break would be extended by another week while the university worked to put some classes online. \u201cIt totally hadn\u2019t sunk in that I wouldn\u2019t ever really be stepping foot on campus as a student again,\u201d said Julia Koehler \u201920, a textiles major from a town outside of Philadelphia, Pa., who spent spring break with friends in Cocoa Beach, Fla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During the second week of spring break, students learned that all classes would be moved online for the rest of the semester. The university was largely shutting down the campus. For some, the realization of what that meant hit them immediately. \u201cHeading into graduation, it felt like I was about to jump off a cliff into the unknown,\u201d said Mackenzie Barker \u201920, a design studies major from Clinton, N.C. \u201cNow it felt like I was being pushed off the cliff.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For others, the new reality took a while to sink in. Initially, Brian Leonardo \u201920, a chemical engineering major from Durham, N.C., was excited that he was essentially done with college. He was ready to find a job and launch his career. \u201cThen it dawned on me the other parts of college I miss,\u201d he said. \u201cI hate leaving without saying goodbye. The last time I said \u2018Bye,\u2019 it was \u2018I\u2019ll see you later.\u2019 I didn\u2019t get to say goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monica Osburn, executive director of the NC State Counseling Center, says it could be easy to dismiss students\u2019 disappointment during a time of so much suffering around the world. But that, she said, would be a mistake. \u201cThey\u2019re angry, they\u2019re sad, they\u2019re anxious, they\u2019re fearful,\u201d she said. \u201cSometimes it\u2019s hard to grieve those losses when you think about the magnitude of other people\u2019s losses. Some shame or guilt creeps in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Osburn says the feelings seniors have experienced are valid. \u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d she said, \u201cfor these students to feel cheated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many seniors said they recognized that whatever losses they have experienced are a small bit of a much larger calamity. They spoke of ways that professors had helped them and praised university officials for their handling of an impossible situation. Many appreciated the unexpected time they got to spend with their families sitting down for meals every night and working jigsaw puzzles and playing games together. They were glad that they were healthy and that their loved ones were safe. But the hurt was still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m still finishing college, but it\u2019s not the way I wanted it to happen,\u201d said Khadija Parker \u201920, a first-generation student from Greensboro, N.C., who majored in psychology. \u201cBut it just can\u2019t happen. It\u2019s not worth the risk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n